Flow and the High Achieving Black Woman

by: Chelsea Glover-Jordan, LCSW-C, LICSW

Have you ever gotten off of work on a random Tuesday, gotten into your car and before you knew it, you were home? Little to no recollection of all the steps it took to move from point A to point B? You just knew you safely managed to drive down the highway, take the correct exit, and even back into your garage. There was very little thought and effort you put out into this journey aside from the occasional look in your rear-view mirror to check for the cops before you sped off again after stopping at the 4-way stop sign. 

Let’s consider something less mundane and more pleasurable. For my bookworms, have you ever just sat down on your favorite side of your comfy couch in your living room, tucked away from the rest of the world, and creating your finely curated haven of peace? You grab the 3rd installment of the hottest trilogy by your favorite author of glorified smut. When you settle in, it’s about noon and then when you finally look up from the fixation that is diving into the author’s juicy imagination, it’s pushing 3:00 pm. Apparently, you sat there for the better part of 3 hours and read and read and read. No care in the world, just you flipping through the pages in high anticipation of the climax. 

When we place very little effort into doing a thing but are still getting something accomplished, feeling like work is not being done, only some form of satisfaction and productivity is happening, we are generally in a state of flow. 

African American Woman Meditating While Sitting on a Yoga Mat

For a high achieving Black woman (HABW), entering and maintaining a status of flow can be elusive. What is “relax”, “sit still”, and “do nothing” to the high achieving Black woman? These concepts can seem daunting and unproductive to that high achieving Black woman. Many HABW struggle with the idea they don’t have to do it all for everyone. There is a sense of entrapment to conquer the world and every task in it. And to be able to even conceptualize that, the HABW overwhelms herself with tasks that can be delegated, put off, or even axed altogether. If you are or know of any HABWs, please feel open to being curious about what flow can look like for you. Being so immersed in an experience, every worry, problem, and anxiety feel temporarily non-existent. Wouldn’t you want to create that experience for yourself more often? To be able to create your own microcosm of solace in a world that cultivates so much hate and chaos. Hear me out for a second. Just asking because I know how you HABWs like to tussle about people suggesting that they rest and actually tend to themselves and no one else for a change. 

Flow can be reparative when being performative is the norm. From code switching to working so hard at not being the “angry Black woman, HABW have been constantly burdened with performing and contorting themselves to a white male cis gendered “norm”. You know, I know, WE know Black women are not made to be placed in a box of constructs that were never really for us to begin with. We were made to be big and bold, kind of like the hair that grows from our roots to the sun. We were made to bask completely in our most authentic selves. Being in flow, whatever that looks like for HABW to HABW, vastly decreases the need and even the urge to perform. It increases the likelihood for that same woman to tend to the parts of her identity that wholly make her. The one without constraints and socially accepted expectations. Being in flow can gradually repair the parts of the HABW that have been stripped away, watered down, and condemned by society. Finding activities that emulate flow for the HABW will remind her of who tf she is without asking for permission. 

Flow can obviously create intentional mood regulation. Because its purpose is to create connection with self, being in flow can help awaken and increase one’s intrinsic worth. Too often HABW tie their identities to who they are to others and what they can do for them. HABW pride themselves on getting things done for others and naturally outward validation comes with that. This extrinsic validation can come at a price though. It has the potential to desensitize the HABW from realizing and walking in her worth beyond the validation of others. Being in flow, HABW leave room for the potential to sit with herself in silence. She is able to get to the root of the essence of her before the world made her put on her rose colored glasses. In flow, she may be able to sit with herself and only herself, realizing every nook and cranny of her psyche that contributes to what she has to offer the world. It can be like a child-like innocence in that flow allows her to feel less tainted. In flow, her motivation is not intrinsic validation because she is able to see herself apart from the validation others may give her. This may then enlighten her identity and the authentic parts that wholly comprise that identity. This in turn can heighten awareness to, wait for it….being less performative. Your value should come from within and that’s what flow can do for the HABW. 

In an article published by Forbes.com on March 10th, 2025, on the National Day of Rest for Black Women, Amanda Miller asserts that in order for Black women to rest in flow, they must focus on the multifacetedness of realignment. You must realign the many layers of you to include relationships, your nervous system, and your ambition amongst other things. You must begin to bring to the forefront of your awareness where you stand or don’t stand in all these areas of your life. You must readjust as necessary and then and only then can the high achieving Black woman feel comfortably seated in her essence, her grounding, her happy. 

I employ each and every one of you to realize what flow looks like for you. For me, it’s writing. I love to put words together to create awareness and evoke narratives that may not come naturally to others. Writing is cathartic for me because it helps me process inward thoughts and feelings I need to sort out to better emotionally regulate and to “handle” what life throws at me. For some, it may be yoga, it could be exercising, or meditation. It could be a compilation of many things, just get into flow, sis!

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